so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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