Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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