Already got asked if we're dating
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
