Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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