respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
