carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
