please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
this is an emotional support booty call
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
