I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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