Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize