Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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