i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
