i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I puked a lego.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
