The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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