I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
