I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
