Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
