Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
