the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
