i'm lost and i look like a hooker
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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