life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
high people should be assigned attendants
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Shame - the story of my life.
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