Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
