Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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