im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
