it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
