I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
