dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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