I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize