I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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