I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
