I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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