Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
