when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
