the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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