the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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