This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize