he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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