oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
