I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
