Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
