bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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