We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
