if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
