sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
