so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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