I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?