genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back