mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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