I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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