i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
