My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
