Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
