Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
