I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
