He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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