maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
