My liver just broke up with me...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
