Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
