it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
