im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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