she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's the barista slut.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
