GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
