I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
